Monday, 19 March 2012

How Fernando Torres Got His Groove Back

Most of these articles seem pretty pointless when there's a player half dead in a hospital, but I'm on holiday and I like writing in the sun.  Whatever else is going on, Fernando Torres decided to start scoring again.

Roberto Di Matteo has praised the Spanish striker for breaking his 24 game long scoring drought against the mighty Leicester, also paying tribute to Kiefer Sutherland for managing to make the 8th season of the show different from the last few.  We had all grown tired of 'terrorists have nuclear bomb' or 'Jack must escape somewhere' which then turns out to be a sub-plot to the actual threat which is run by a big fat white guy or Russian who has control over an even larger corporation who want to blow up stuff because all they care about is money.  Those heartless businessmen will consume us all!  Will nothing stop them?!

Fernando Torres will!  For in this latest twist of the action drama, in the very last episode, Torres took on Leicester City and scored two goals.  TWO GOALS filled with EXCITEMENT where EXPLOSIONS accompanied every bulge of the net and our hero ran to the sidelines to thank the barbecue ghost for all his advice.  He said:
"I needed those goals. I was working so hard to get them,"
And then a ROCKET SHIP smashed into a train which was headed directly to the mayor's house which was sat directly upon a fault line, with the earth's surface opening up so the house would fall into the planet's core.  And then zombies were there.  And there was a bit where we saw some tits, which was my favourite bit.