Chelsea managed to beat Birmingham in the FA Cup the other night even though I prayed to all of the gods of all the religions that they wouldn't. I'm starting to think this religion thing is a scam. Oh and Fernando Torres' confidence is so low that he turned down the chance to take a penalty.
According to the Guardian, who we happened to be mentioned in in one of this week's 'The Fiver' sections, just saying, you know. No big deal. But according to them, Torres was asked if he wanted to take a penalty with the score already 2-0 to the blues and immediately shat himself, pooing all over his own legs and Juan Mata's heart of gold.
Spanish team-mate Mata offered the striker the ball with Chelsea coasting to victory, but he declined, meaning that he has now not scored for his club in 23 matches, and has a career total of 5. I think Peter Cech might be the only other player that hasn't scored more goals. The only thing that's going to redeem him is if it turns out he's been fighting crime in London like batman and he's just really tired the whole time. This is obviously impossible because if he tried swooping in from the darkness to tackle some gang members he'd actually miss and fling himself into the Thames. Then drown.
Ha ha ha. Drowning is funny.