Sunday, 4 March 2012

David Moyes wants a pay cut

David Moyes is cool and that is the most important thing in life, after beer.

The fiery Scottish manager has called for everyone in the Premier League to take a 20% pay cut so that normal people can afford to go and watch games, pointing out that clubs in the country's top flight should fill their stadiums every single week and this might help.  It's a very nice suggestion but if you told me Wigan vs Wolves was going to be a fiver I'd still rather spend 3 hours inside my own tumble dryer than go to the match.

The main downside of this plan is that it might encourage poor people to go and watch the game, and I spent most of my waking hours trying to get away from those guys.  Also I think it's important that we spare a thought for the sacrifices some of these footballers would have to make - Emmanuel Adebayor might only be able to have one of his toilets made out of gold.  Do you really want that on your conscience?  Do you want Emmanuel Adebayor to go around pooing in normal toilets?  Because he fucking will.  Look what you've done.