Monday, 26 March 2012

Darren Fletcher: Coach. Hero

Darren Fletcher still can't play football for fear of pooping himself. Not content with being remembered as the best midfielder the Premier League (the world) has ever seen, he's now set his sights on becoming the world's best coach. Is there anything he can't do? Except not shit himself obviously.

I feel bad for poking fun at Fletcher's condition because I actually really like him and it's not particularly funny but somehow I keep doing it. I really am a crap person, there is nothing clever about toilet humour. Manchester United's reserves have had the pleasure of being coached by Fletch who still cannot play, let alone train. Don't be surprised to see the reserves coming through next season and spanking Barcelona 5-0, with every goal sprinkled with a touch of Fletcher magic-dust.
"It's always something I've had a keen interest in - coaching and passing on advice to younger players who are at an important level at Manchester United in the reserves.
"The next step is first-team football, so [I'm] passing on advice to these players."
The world is crossing it's fingers in hope that the world's most exciting midfielder will be fit to lead Scotland to glory at the World Cup in Brazil in 2014. He's only 27 so has about another 20 years left at the top of his game. Here are a few quotes from various footballing people that I definitely didn't make up.
Pele - "Darren Fletcher is a phenomenon. I tried viagra but the only thing that makes me hard is a Darren Fletcher header"
George Best - "I used to drink but now I just watch Darren Fletcher.....and drink" 
Sepp Blatter - "I am a fat dickhead but even I love Darren Fletcher"