Darren Bent just completed surgery on his own ankle successfully, becoming the first black footballer to ever perform an operation on himself whilst asleep.
Actually a doctor performed the surgery on his ankle, I was just being hilarious. The England striker now faces a three month recovery period as he strives to get fit in time for Euro 2012 where he would almost certainly score one goal and then a miss a penalty in the quarter finals. Darren has always dreamed of missing a penalty for England and that's why we've been saving all our money together to buy him a dream ticket to Poland! *cue celebration gameshow music*
That's right Darren, you and one other lucky person are going to the finals regardless of how ruined your ligaments are. The only problem is we don't have that much money so couldn't actually afford the entire flight there, but we figure if you just sit on the plane and open up a power point presentation counting down from 10 to 1 whilst mumbling Islamic songs to yourself, everyone'll just leave you alone. That's my plan for when I next take a train to London and only have enough money to get to Dundee. What could go wrong!