Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Chelsea want to buy ALL the Newcastle players!

Chelsea want to buy a whole new squad because theirs is old, arrogant and 'meh'.  Owner/ghost manager Roman Abramovich has decided that Tim Krul and Tiote Cheick are the solution!


Tim Krul is a mighty goalkeeper because he learned his trade at the mighty Falkirk defending shots from such players as 'Danny Mcmehkjdha' and "Jamie Buchananov".  Tiote is a mighty player because he looks fucking mental.  Chelsea need some balls in their team to help revive the 'project' that AVB was so keen to see through which seemed to include not winning games, pissing all the existing players off and getting fired.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if when Chelsea next lose a game Abramovich fires Di Matteo, plays himself upfront and then fines himself for playing so badly.  He just wasn't up to his own standards.  Then he would have to fire himself as owner but because that isn't really a thing he'd actually have to go into hiding in a nuclear bunker, just to live out the shame he had caused himself.  Like my Dad told me to do when I told him I didn't like rugby.  It doesn't make me gay!  I just want to be loved.