Friday, 23 March 2012

Celtic want to be invited to the party

Celtic are moaning and whinging about not being allowed into private meetings between the 10 SPL clubs who aren't part of the Old Firm, saying that it's jolly unfair and pointing out that it's hard to get any fanny if they're stuck inside the house all day. "We won't break anything!" they say.

With Rangers' spectacular tax implosion finally giving the rest of the league a chance to change the way this awful, awful championship is run, Celtic are concerned their best interests won't be at heart.  "Waaaah we want all the monies" they cry, banging their fists on the table as they see the possibility of having a monopoly over Scottish football slowly tugged from their slimy grip.  Celtic's argument is:
"Well, the Icelandic and Welsh leagues are competitive but it is the presence of the Old Firm which makes Scottish football different." 
Yes it is.  It is currently the presence of the Old Firm that makes it shit, but that also brings in all the money; a double edged sword, if you will.  Scottish football without the Old Firm is basically like if you watch porn online - initially you always look for a hot girl, and it helps if the dude isn't really old and doesn't have a gross goatee too so you don't feel like she's being taken advantage of - but in the end, you're still just watching porn.  Anything will do.  Sometimes the ugly ones do funny stuff as well so it's worth sticking around.  You get bored half way through, skip to like 3/4s of the way through to see what the score is, and she's usually being pummelled from behind, and then finally even though your interest in the video has now subsided because you're done, you still have to find out how they finish.  Dundee 1 - 0 Queen of the South.