Only a few years ago Berbatov was one of the most coveted strikers in European football but then it all went wrong when he kept scoring loads of goals and was dropped for no apparent reason. Wayne Rooney, Javier Hernandez and Danny Welbeck are all further up the 'pecking order' than the lonely vampire and now he's getting older, it might be time for the Bulgarian to fly.
"At 31, he is looking at first-team football, said Ferguson. "It is difficult for me to guarantee that so it could lead to him looking elsewhere."The other problem with Berbatov is that he can only play games at night time, the club has to carry his coffin around to away games so he can get some rest and he has to keep sneaking into girls' hotel rooms in order to drink their blood and gain sustenance. Except with Berbatov he doesn't bite their necks and consume their life force, he has to put his penis inside them, "it's the only way he'll survive", I've been told. I'm still a bit dubious about that one but I guess my girlfriend wouldn't lie - she just loves helping others! I had no idea Ryan Giggs was also a vampire. Or the local rugby team. Or most of my friends actually. Ahhh well. What a world.