Alan Pardew has somehow, defying all logic, made Newcastle such a formidable team this season that they might get a European place. His secret? Super awesome transfers.
Alan Pardew reckons that the best way to win more games is to sign really good players. He first devised the theory deep within research at NASA laboratories; scientists everywhere were desperate to solve just what formula it is that helps a team improve. Then Pardew got it. "Eureka!" he exclaimed, "we need to sign more players like Demba Ba, Cabaye and Ben Arfa" and astonished onlookers proclaimed it the greatest day in their lives.
And now, I must take my unrivalled wit and sarcasm and exchange it for items at the shops. What's that? You don't accept sarcasm as currency? :-( I JUST WANT ATTENTION