Thursday, 23 February 2012

Tony Pulis has given up on europe, didn't like it anyway

Stoke City play some great football as long you really appreciate the complexities of leg surgery and rugby.  This is why Tony Pulis has decided to throw in the towel for their game against Valencia, by only taking 4 substitutes and leaving most of his first team at home.

image @TonyPooless
A mixture of injury, fatigue and a game of centurion that went on for too long in the club house last night has left Pulis with a depleted squad to take on the might of Valencia in the Spanish city tonight.  The first leg was an intriguing one for football fans everywhere as we wondered how our european counterparts would fare in wet, dingy Stoke on a thursday night and it turned out the answer was 'they will win comfortably'.

Stoke's style of play wins points but I genuinely hate it because it embodies everything I dislike about football: massive dudes tackling too hard, punting the ball away the minute it's within 30 yards of their own goal, and hiring a 35 year old to throw it as far as he can like it's a catapult.

Stoke in Europe is sort of like a dance contest movie where one guy has to assemble a crew of unlikely misfits together in order to take on the smugly arrogant guys in the final battle, but because they listen to their heart and remember to believe in themselves, they eventually manage to overcome adversity and their opponents.

In real life however, Stoke get beaten, Peter Crouch turns back into a scarecrow once the ref blows his final whistle and the arrogant team get to have sex with the hot cheerleaders.  Matthew Upson sits at home crying.  I want to know more about the cheerleader part so if you guys stay here I'll go and look that up for you.  brb