Friday, 17 February 2012

Theo Walcott is not very good

After Arsenal's humiliating defeat at the hands of AC Milan this week, Arsene Wenger went full retard at his players, giving a large portion of abuse towards people like Theo Walcott, who was subbed at half time.

Walcott is a bit like the home made bread that went wrong.  At first you were excited because all the raw ingredients were there to make a delicious loaf of bread.  All you had to do was throw them in the mixer and let it cook and then you'd never have to buy bread ever again because you had delicious pretty much home grown loaves in your own kitchen.  Then a little while later you took the bread out of the machine but it was still pretty gooey and had turned a bit of a weird shape, but you thought 'nah the potential is definitely there, I've had loaves of bread before - I know what they are meant to be like!'.

And so another long while later you decide that the bread should probably be ready by now and actually should maybe even be possible of taking you to the next level of bakery - maybe you can start your own chain of Greggs!  But the bread just tastes really boring, needs more salt and also it doesn't really look like what you wanted.  Sure, it makes a few sandwiches but you'd have been better off giving the ingredients to someone who isn't opening a bakery shop next week.  You're really in over your head now!  The stress at the magnitude of the task you've taken on sets in.  How will you pay rent?  Where will you live?  Armed only with the loaf you have created, you take to the rain soaked streets, the patter of the droplets masking your steps as you swoop between alley and the bright white of the lampposts.  Eventually a man crosses your path and you bludgeon him to death with the bread, mopping up the blood with the bits that fall off afterwards.

And there, you've committed a murder.  Theo Walcott has caused a fucking murder.  Are you happy now Theo?  Are you?!

But yeh, Arsene Wenger is really annoyed with his players or something.