Friday, 24 February 2012

Steve Kean is actually going mental

Steve Kean has expertly lead Blackburn out of the relegation zone and is marching them up the table.  Now that they have even hit the dizzying heights of 17th place you would think that the fans would be delighted, but for some reason they are still not and Kean believes they want to hurt him so he's hired a bodyguard.

You would never guess that took 30 seconds. Kean has become the victim of a murder plot and has been advised by his "friends" that he should have someone around him at all times for his security. He said this about his bodyguard, who we will call Frank:
'He knows how to handle himself. It is a bit strange having him around, but there are some good things too. He is bloody interesting to talk to, for a start.''
According to Kean, a few months ago an "activist" group on Twitter found out what restaurant he was eating at with his wife and kids and during the main course he received a text from "Intelligence" that told him to get out and get his family to safety immediately. I think Steve Kean has been watching too much 24. If true it's obviously not funny but it does sound like he is turning into Admiral Benson from "Hot Shots". 

Benson: Thanks for having us over for dinner the other night . Cheyl and I thought the stroganoff was marvellous.
Block: Sir, we didn't have you for dinner the other night.
Benson: Really? Then where the hell was I? And who's this Cheryl?

Kean's probably not even married.
''We didn't tell the children because we didn't want to frighten them. We just said that there was a good place around the corner where we could get pudding. The chap who protects me is a seventh dan in karate, but he is not big or butch or anything"
This Frank sounds pretty awesome so I hope they pay him well. The man deserves a medal purely for resisting the urge to roundhouse Kean's ridiculously round head and stupid face. Ten minutes into my first shift I would have already given him at least one judo chop.