Thursday, 2 February 2012

Ryan Nelsen moves to Spurs

King of the hobbits, Ryan Nelsen, has abandoned the sinking ship of Blackburn Rovers for exciting seas at Tottenham Hotspurs.  For free!

image from
The New Zealand captain has signed for Harry Redknapp's team because essentially, he's a glory hunter.  A really bad one.  He spent seven years at Blackburn Rovers reaching semi-finals and never actually doing anything of note other than dropping that ring in the volcano or whatever it was they did in those movies.  He told The Sun:
"Medals, trophies are things you strive for. Blackburn got to five semis and never made a final, so it's very exciting.
"I kind of like when the odds are stacked against you, so we'll see. We'll get out there and give it everything.
"It feels like you're going back to the first day of school, so yeah, everyone will be looking at you and judging you so I better clean my boots and comb my hair."
That's right Ryan, everyone will be judging you.  Like in a strange X-Factor situation except instead of Simon Cowell and those other ones, the judges are actually wolves.  Powerful in the night.  AWOOOOOOOO they cry, tasting your fear.  AWOOOOOOO and what do they desire?  SANDWICHES.  BRING THE WOLVES SOME SANDWICHES RYAN NELSON, OR YOU SHALL BE DOOMED FOR ALL ETERNITY.  Did I mention they are ghost wolves?  TERRIFYING GHOST WOLVES.

Ryan Nelsen is a terrifying ghost wolf.