Monday, 13 February 2012

Roman Abramovich pretends he knows about football

Chelsea are a bit shit this year and by shit I mean they aren't going to win the league. It must be awful to be a Chelsea fan. Imagine winning trophies and  finishing in the top four pretty much every year? After losing 2-0 to Everton, they were hauled in on their "day off" by Roman Abramovich to play football. What a brute!

Roman Abramovich likes to think he knows things about football and has started to appear at the Chelsea training ground on an almost daily basis. There he masquerades as a coach and likes to tell everybody what they are doing wrong. Fernando Torres is a big fan of his tactical wizardry, with advice such as "score a goal" and "stop being shit" really helping him turn his game around.

The players must have been furious, being forced out of bed on a Sunday to play football. Being professional footballers, that must have been really hard for them to do. He'd be better off telling them not to be cunts for a day since that is something they would have found a far greater punishment.

It's believed that Abramovich is very upset about the recent results and if things don't change then he might very well have to go out and buy himself another giant yacht or planet to cheer himself up. If that doesn't work he will just sack everybody because he has clearly gone a bit mental. It won't be long until he's player-manager-owner and starting himself upfront. If they still don't win the Champions League with him upfront, then he will just have to use his giant moon laser and take out every other football team in the world. It's 2012, don't think it won't happen.