Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Paul Merson is good at driving

A while ago Paul Merson crashed his car into the back of a lorry on a motorway because he was asleep.  Now the roads are safe!  For 14 months.

image from the telegraph
Yes, the former Arsenal and Alcoholics Anonymous member has been banned from driving for 14 months following the crash, having plead guilty in court.  He also received a fine of £1500 and was ordered not to collect £200 when he passes go.  Merson is believed to regret selling his 'get out of jail free' card to Harry Redknapp five years ago, but is at least pleased with the fact that he won second prize at a beauty contest because he looks like someone has wrapped a dogs face around a giant sponge and I'm honestly too hungover to finish that one off.

Monopoly jokes.

Also, according to the BBC, the lorry that he crashed into weighed 36 tonnes.  What the fuck was on that lorry?  Frank Lampard?  Merson might say he was sleeping but what everyone forgets to mention is that the lorry in question was actually a Coors Light transporter, and Merson was racing up to it in the hope that he could syphon loads of beer into bottles whilst driving.  Like a really weird, homeless James Bond.