Monday, 13 February 2012

Luis Suarez is an absolute penis

I hereby declare that Luis Suarez is an absolute penis of gargantuan proportions and that Kenny Dalglish conversely, is a fanny.  Together they combine to completely shag Liverpool's reputation and now that the 'racism row' has spread to America, today they've been forced to apologise by the club's owners.

We've all seen or read what happened at Old Trafford on Saturday and if you haven't, I don't have a single clue as to why you're reading any of this absolute nonsense, but there you go.  Suarez did a racism, got banned, should have shaken Evra's hand as a gesture of "moving on" from this whole situation (which Liverpool have handled deplorably) and then everyone kicked off and got very excited and angry with each other.

Basically, Suarez turned the game into a WWE Royal Rumble style affair and he might as well have entered to his own 'villain' music.  He should have shaken Evra's hand and Evra shouldn't have celebrated like a tit at the end, but all in all, the game became a spectacle and talking point for all the wrong reasons.  Or if you like exciting stuff, all the right reasons!

After the match Dalglish got pissed off that Geoff Shreeves the reporter would even DARE to ask him the question that everyone wanted him to, and then continued supporting the Uruguayan racist/forward.  It doesn't matter if 'negro' is allowed at home, Kenny, it's not on.  If I tell my girlfriend she isn't allowed to drive the car because she's a woman - although technically I am 100% accurate - it's still not allowed, no matter how many letters I write to parliament.

Now that the row has drifted into New York and Boston papers, the Liverpool owners have finally decided to step in, and like a head teacher disciplining his naughty students, had Dalglish apologise on behalf of Suarez and the club for being a penis and a fanny.  Suarez's apology was really heartfelt and missed out Patrice Evra, and therefore the point entirely.  I haven't seen such poor PR and marketing decisions from an internationally known outfit since Mick Jagger and David Bowie did this:

Well done guys.