Here's a picture of when I turned my friend's shoes into creatures to cheer you up, because this week we will see no Kyle Walker because he's dead........... ly serious about being injured. The right back joins Darren Bent, Wayne Rooney and Tom Cleverley on the injured list meaning that Stuart Pearce can happily just play whoever he wants. I have no idea who Scotland are even playing but I think I heard that Charlie Mulgrew is in the squad and that made me try to drown myself in the sink. That's how much I care about that.
England are playing Holland, van Persie will probably get injured, some other important players for Premiership clubs will also get wee knocks and suffer jet lag from fannying about in airports between playing 60 minutes of a game that absolutely no-one can get excited about. Having friendlies as practise for real international tournaments is like telling a virgin to try shagging the sleeve of his jacket as practise for real life sex. When the actual event comes he's still going to put his balls in the wrong goal and jizz all over his own pants. But at least I tried! Trying counts, doesn't it?