Fernando Torres' spectacular decline hit a new low today when Spain decided not to call him up for international duty because he's TERRIBLE.
Fernando was unavailable for comment because he was busy crying a river of tears. A river that swelled and buoyed as it filled with despair and washed away his reputation down a drain in to the sewers of London where it was feasted upon by the tear dragon, who as we all know, lives underground. Fuelled by the sadness he had consumed, the dragon grew three times the size and unleashed an almighty roar into the darkness that made the earth shake, the car alarms wail and knocked me over and left me unconscious on the floor. And if my girlfriend asks you, that's why I didn't answer my phone yesterday, it wasn't because I was playing FIFA all night. Cool.