Friday, 17 February 2012

Fernando Torres: "I cannot score"

Fernando Torres has absolutely no idea why he can't score goals anymore so has decided to return to his home planet to recharge his powers.  Or keep trying at Chelsea.

The Barbecue Ghost has sadly been removed from Fernando Torres' house in London due to an exorcism performed by a passing priest.  He saw the video I made and was like 'the power of christ compels you', unaware of the damage he was doing to Torres' scoring abilities.  The Spanish striker told ESPN:
"It is a difficult situation because I am happy in my personal life. We really like the club and we're very happy here to be involved with the staff and the players. 
"On the pitch, it is a difficult time for Chelsea because we are not finding the results, but we're changing things like playing a different style and still we have a young team to do it.
"Personally, I have to improve. In my time at Liverpool there were games where I would not be playing well or I would be doing nothing but every time I touched the ball, I scored. It's such a strange feeling now because I am feeling better than ever physically. I am not finding the chances and when I do find the chances, I cannot score
So he knows he's playing badly, guys.  We can all stop telling him now - there's no need in making someone feel bad about themselves unnecessarily.  If we just lend Torres our support, by the year 2043 he may very well have scored another 7, maybe 8 goals and if anything, at least you'll know that you helped.  Didier Drogba is praying the Spaniard finds more, because the minute Romelu Lukaku gets in the team he might have to share a hotel room with him at away games.  And then it's rape city.  I think if Drogba and Lukaku had sex together they'd probably find the Higs Boson.  It's been there all along, scientists!