Monday, 13 February 2012

Celtic don't need Rangers

According to Celtic chief executive Peter Lawwell, whose name has too many consonants, Celtic are going to be just fine without their giant neighbours, should the worst happen to Rangers following their administration announcement party.


The way SPL works right now is that either Celtic or Rangers win everything and if any other team plays in a cup final which is not against one of them, it doesn't count.  These two clubs pull in what little money the league makes from TV revenue and international exposure, due to the worldwide reach of Irish people, and people who don't like Irish people so support the opposite team.

One season Aberdeen were so awful that they finished bottom of the premiership so were relegated as the rules would obviously dictate.  Oh no wait, actually they weren't, because Falkirk, who should have been promoted, didn't have a big enough stadium.  The only way you are allowed to play in the SPL is if you have a stadium that is at least three times too big for the amount of people who want to go to your games, and then remains empty forever.

Lawell says:
the eventuality of their Old Firm rivals going bust "would have no material effect on Celtic".
"We look after ourselves," Lawwell told BBC Scotland. "We don't rely on any other club. We are in a decent position, we're very strong."
Despite what he says, Celtic do kind of need Rangers, in the same way that Tom needs Jerry and He-Man needs Skeletor .  Without the bad guy you're just watching some muscly half-naked dude play with his sword and I guarantee typing that into google would reveal a video with more hits than any non-old firm SPL match.