Villa have bought the bird to stop magpies digging holes in the Villa Park turf and by magpies I mean birds, not Newcastle fans or players. Although I guess they might mean players. Fabricio Coloccini is a notorious hole digger and after training in the north east drives as fast as he can to other football pitches, public parks and people's gardens to howk massive holes out of them with a shovel and then just run away, in to the distance. It truly is a majestic site.
The Villa groundsman brought in the bird to assist with ground maintenance and had this to say:
In other news, I don't think the Aston Villa groundsman has had a lot of sex. Knowing this much about birds is as potent a virginity keeper as Skyrim except actually in real life and not even hipster nerdish. Maybe his wife is dead? People who talk like that usually serve cups of tea for skeletons they've had at their table for a long time.