Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Aston Villa buy a bird

Aston Villa are in the news today because they bought a harris hawk, which is a kind of hawk and a hawk is a bird.  SOCCER!


Villa have bought the bird to stop magpies digging holes in the Villa Park turf and by magpies I mean birds, not Newcastle fans or players.  Although I guess they might mean players.  Fabricio Coloccini is a notorious hole digger and after training in the north east drives as fast as he can to other football pitches, public parks and people's gardens to howk massive holes out of them with a shovel and then just run away, in to the distance.  It truly is a majestic site.

The Villa groundsman brought in the bird to assist with ground maintenance and had this to say:
“The worst problem you could have is with crows who cause major problems with the grass roots.
“But over the last few months we’ve had problems with magpies trying their luck with our pitch.
“They are not after food, like crows, but they are inquisitive creatures and dig holes in the turf which isn’t great
In other news, I don't think the Aston Villa groundsman has had a lot of sex.  Knowing this much about birds is as potent a virginity keeper as Skyrim except actually in real life and not even hipster nerdish.  Maybe his wife is dead?  People who talk like that usually serve cups of tea for skeletons they've had at their table for a long time.