Thursday, 23 February 2012

Ashley Cole is an asshole

Ashley Cole is a much loved nice guy currently trying really hard at working man's club Chelsea FC.  Today is currently night time and you live in opposite land.

A man so far removed from reality that he actually causes a shift in the matrix and thus makes people think Lenny Henry is funny, Ashley Cole has been a prize winning jerk from the day he was born.  His manager Andre Villas-Boas has realised this and already dropped the defender from his team after he criticised the tactics and blamed his boss for the team losing.  The Sun claim that Cole said:
I came here to win medals and trophies, but I'm never going to do that with your tactics'
In fairness, by current shenanigans, he isn't really that far wrong there but anytime I read anything that Ashley Cole says anywhere I instantly remember this perfectly character descriptive literary ditty, taken from his autobiography:
“Ash! Are you listening?” said a virtually hyperventilating Jonathan. “I’m here in the office and David Dein is saying they aren’t going to give you £60k a week. They’ve agreed £55k and this is their best and final offer. Are you happy with that?”
When I heard Jonathan (Barnett) repeat the figure of £55k, I nearly swerved off the road. “He is taking the piss, Jonathan!” I yelled down the phone. I was so incensed. I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. 
So for any of you who still believe in the existence of a god, I raise you this card.  If Ashley Cole were a monopoly character he'd be the iron, because no-one likes the iron.