Lazy Russian forward Andrei Arshavin is set to reject a move to money rich Anzhi Makhachkala to win over the fans at Arsenal. Then he plans to win the lottery and fly a unicorn to his home on the sun.
According to his agent, Arshavin is determined to win back his place in the Arsenal side by showing the form that first grabbed Arsene Wenger's attention in about two hours of football during the World Cup in 2008. Unfortunately at this stage, even if he were to save Gunnersaurus' life from sniper attack, score a bicycle kick from his own half and find an anti-ageing potion to give to Thierry Henry, everyone will always remember him as being the laziest creature ever to appear on Sky TV, including sloths and every BBC football pundit you've ever seen.
So in no way is this a clever way for his agent to make Anzhi think "oh my god, he's trying so hard for Arsenal.... we're going to have to offer him millions!!!!".