According to reports in Italy, the family of the girl asked Juventus to do anything they could to help their daughter's situation, and what better way to solve this unfortunate predicament than getting an ageing centre forward to record a video message to awake her from her slumber. In the message, Del Piero said:
'Hello Jade, this is Alessandro del Piero. I hope you'll wake up and come back to us as soon as possible to watch many of our gamesSo that sounds pretty weird, but the girl just woke up immediately like it was a fucking Disney cartoon; blue birds came and lifted her sheets so she could sing a song celebrating her renewed chance at life. Actually I'm joking, she's in a very serious condition.
This story has inspired me to take my chance to finally meet Shola Ameobi, by blocking my upstairs neighbour's front door and setting fire to the building. If there's one thing we know about Shola it's that he likes putting out fires, so I guess really if the whole place burns down it's his fault. And if anyone knows Shola I'd advise telling him about this quite soon because as it turns out, fire spreads quite quickly.