Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Vinnie Jones will save your life but not in a gay way

Ex-footballer and "hardman" Vinnie Jones is fronting a campaign by the British Heart Foundation urging people to forget "mouth-to-mouth" and concentrate on chest compressions when performing CPR on someone that is dying.  'Cause otherwise you might look totally gay.

Polling conducted by the BHF suggests that many people are worried about giving the 'kiss of life" and so this method should help prevent a small amount of people dying.  A large amount of people were worried that they might be sued if their attempts to revive someone's life weren't done properly, and a smaller amount were worried that they might get a disease from resuscitating someone mouth to mouth.

And that's the world we live in girls and boys.  Some dude is dying on the street in front of you, but rather than look a little bit gay, you can feel safe in the knowledge that just doing compressions on their chest might help them out.  In fairness, it's quite a useful message and might genuinely benefit someone one day, but the reasons behind it are awful.  Vinnie should just come and kick them in the balls until they agree to try and help someone breathe.

Then again, I can't really talk because I once left a junkie potentially dying on the stairs of a Glasgow railway station.  In my defence, first of all he looked gross and secondly I was going to miss my train and therefore my game of 5 a sides.  It's not my fault he loves heroin so much.  I did call the ambulance though.

Some describe me as the most generous man of our generation.