Sexy fun monster Titus Bramble has been finding out that promiscuous sex has its down sides because it turns out sex isn't sex if you are raping. Then it's just rape. Either way.
The defender now faces a third sexual assault charge, equalling the record set by player 'Johnny Sex Attack', now deleted from history books because he was so evil. There is every chance that these accusations are completely unfounded because he's a footballer, stupid and fat so fair game for any money grabbing snake with tits, but equally, you can't go around sexually assaulting people. It's not allowed, Titus. I checked and everything.
The Sunderland player will appear in court again to deny some more charges and I'd like to point out to everyone that you are innocent until proven guilty in the UK, and I'd like to stress this point to any of you that might work as legal counsel for Titus Bramble or has anything to do with Sunderland AFC. I really don't have an awful lot of money left at the moment, you see.