Fucking everyone's at it now. Some Brighton and Bournemouth players have possibly followed in Demarcus La Shonda's inappropriate footsteps and are under arrest by police, as they investigate a claim by a woman that she was sexually assaulted.
Six players, all between the ages of 18 and 24 have been arrested in connection with the alleged crime, and a 20 year old woman has filed the claim, which refers to an incident from last July. I'd really like it if we could just have a happy sex story now and again about a footballer instead of all these inconvenient and depressing rapey ones. There are of course two sides to every story and now I have a slightly better understanding of British libel and defamation laws it's hard to make anything funny out of either of them, so instead let's all just look at a picture of Kermit the frog's stupid face. If you don't laugh when you see it, you have no soul, or are a sex offender.
Your alleged sex crimes are forgiven FitbaThatba reader! Unless you didn't even smile, which means you're going to jail. MUPPETS IN JAAAAAAAIL