Friday, 20 January 2012

David De Gea to have bionic eye inserted

Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea knows that he needs to step up his game to win the number 1 jersey back from Anders Lindegaard, and clearly the most effective option is to have a bionic eye installed.  I don't even need to explain that one.

De Gea actually wears contact lenses like me, because I'm awesome, but also because he is long sighted.  Eye sight is very useful for goalkeepers because although they are normally trained to save shots with only their sense of smell and sonar, seeing the ball does occasionally help.  Manchester United's optometrist has recommended surgery for the goalkeeper and although upon further reading of this story I know he isn't actually getting the terminator's eye to aid him in missile guidance systems, I still really hope he does.  If they could turn his left arm into a bazooka and his right into a grappling hook too, I'm pretty sure that would make him 40% better.  Imagine that?  He could just grapple hook his way to the top of the stadium and fire rockets at people.  What a world.