Ooooh scandalous stuff here me mateys. Swashbuckler Andre Villas-Boas is keeping his eyes open after some of his squad/ship-mates built a metaphorical plank for him to stand on. Or something. Nicolas Anelka was banned from a party so the players made a new party. I don't care
The players are all totally pissed off because he's out of his depth and he doesn't know how to handle Premiership players and blah blah blah. This all sounds like Frank Lampard being annoyed that AVB called him fat and cancelled the order of 1 million scotch pies for the Christmas party, stating that his team of thorough-bred athletes must eat healthy and not consume copious amounts of alcohol in order to sustain their push for the title.
Aghast, Frank Lampard meanwhile snuck up on the shoulder of John Terry and whispered "he's taken Anelka from us, our precioussss Anelka" and John Terry was like "fackin 'ell Franky, this guy has no idea what he's doing rabble rabble rabble" and then Lampard got him to organise a private party so that Anelka could join in but also mostly so he could just eat pies because he's so fat and loves eating pies.
I actually quite like pies. And Frank Lampard. I don't know why I'm being so mean, I'll go and reflect on the pain I've caused here tonight.