Friday, 6 January 2012

Arbroath's Darren Hill's cocaine lesson

This Sunday sees Rangers take on the mighty Arbroath in the Scottish Cup. Arbroath's goalkeeper Darren Hill is now 32 and a little bit fat but back in the day he used to be a big fat party animal.

At one point Darren Hill was playing football at a decent level for Falkirk. Enjoying being Billy-big-bollocks around the town, he dyed his hair red and partied his way into infamy. With a particular penchant for cocaine, Darren was partying his tits off at a house party in a shit hole called Grangemouth. Having had perhaps slightly too much coke, he went berserk and started to smash up the house. The police were called and using all his cunning, he took evasive action to avoid being arrested and jumped out of the window.

His plan worked perfectly, if his plan was to cut his leg really badly, sever his tendons and end up in hospital for a week. Falkirk docked his wages and checked him into rehab. In hospital he had a chance to reflect on his life and thought he should probably quit football because it's really hard you know? Quitting cocaine would have been a better idea.

Don't worry, big Daz has his love for the game back and will be between the sticks for Arbroath this weekend. I assume he's clean now, just don't offer him any coke or he will smash the place up. Arbroath's stadium is actually called Gayfield Park. Ironic really, as the locals spend most of their time beating up gay people and having sex with their cousins. In denial.