Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Andy Carroll isn't going on loan

I have no idea where this story started, but 'Chronical Live' feel it's worthy of an entire article to tell us that Andy Carroll won't be going to Newcastle on loan this January.  I can't believe it either!

Because Andy Carroll is ugly, here instead is a picture of what he sees at all times when he isn't desperately trying to control a football like a professional player probably should.  And coincidentally, it's also now all you're going to be thinking about for the next 2 minutes or so.

Despite crying over the fact that they should be allowed to discriminate against black people, Liverpool sort of need to rely on their £35million striker for the next 9 or so games because 'he who shall not be named but is that racist one called Luis Suarez' is banned for them.  Therefore he won't be moving because he is their only real striker.

I'm sorry I even reported this, it's just such a stupid transfer rumour.  None of it makes sense at all.  It would be like if I did an article saying "Rio Ferdinand happy to stay at Man Utd" and then I said "Rio Ferdinand hasn't said anything about rumours to do with him moving to Juventus" and then suddenly, BAM! that's a story.

I actually feel like I'm unravelling the magic of the transfer window rumours for you like it's make believe.  You know, like Santa, Jesus or the tooth fairy.