Carlo Ancelotti has signed Alex from Chelsea to play for his new look PSG team and he paid £4.2million for the privilege. Business.
At times Alex looks like he needs someone else to tuck his shirt in for him, but at others he seems to be a truly monstrous figure, scaring attackers away with a simple manic stare. Although some strikers think he's sussing them out with his eye focusing, it's actually quite likely he's looking for their name badge so he can invite them to his birthday party. He has balloons there. And if you listen carefully you can hear the banging of floor boards as a dozen prisoners try to escape from his basement before he makes them drink anymore pretend tea. Sometimes the friendliest menials are the most terrifying. Look at Timmy Mallet - sure he looks like fun on TV but if you saw a guy dressed like that down a dark alley would you go and say hi? I did. He was quite nice.
This is the worst article I've ever done.