Sunday, 18 December 2011

SAF says he might not buy, is immediately linked with 90 players

Manchester United are well documented as perhaps being in need of a few players or seven to maintain their ambitions of winning the Europa League and the Premiership but Ferguson says they'll probably be fine.

(c) Scott Baxter
What he actually means is "we really need to buy a couple of shit hot players but if I pretend we don't really care then the other teams will be like 'aw man man utd aren't going to buy our players, we can take our eyes off the ball' and then I'll be all like BAM! and I'll sign Sneider possibly."

United are now being linked on an almost daily basis with anyone who has ever played in midfield, in particular Borussia Dortmund's star youngster Mario Gotze:

When Ferguson was told that Dortmund wanted £50 million for the playmaker he spat in his own mouth laughing and then asked them how much the other guy in midfield would be.  Which reminds of this girl I used to know who told me she was sitting with her friend in a bar one night and some guy came over and asked her if she wanted a drink.  Upon declining this offer he turned to her friend, sized her up for about two seconds and then asked 'how about you?'.  She also elected to turn down this most generous of offers, and he departed by shouting at the girls on the table behind if they were interested.  And it would have worked too if they hadn't all been such lesbians.  I don't know what I have to do to catch a break round here sometimes.

So anyway Manchester United will almost certainly sign Jack Rodwell in January, and if not then, in the summer.