Monday, 5 December 2011

Ronnie Wallwork is a geezer

Ronnie Wallwork started his career at Manchester United of all places. Rather than become a successful footballer with United, he decided that getting fat and selling parts from stolen cars was the better career path. Geezers need excitement.

Wallwork has been jailed for fifteen months for selling on parts from "high performance" cars. After a bit of light reading, it turns out that Wallwork has some fantastic geezer moments throughout his career. He was banned from football for life for grabbing a referee by the the throat whilst playing at Antwerp. Not happy with this punishment, he started a fight with every single official working with the Belgian football association. After dishing out over 2000 headbutts, his sentence was reduced to a three year sentence. Still not happy, he gave the judge a slap. Cowering in fear, the judge said the last year only applied to the Belgian league. He downed his pint and fucked off back to England to play for West Brom.

Big Ron has even survived a knife attack. He was in a nightclub when some mug was eyeing up his bird. Wallwork gave him his famous thousand mile death stare, which usually results in fully grown men pissing themselves and being reduced to quivering wrecks. This time however, it resulted in being stabbed seven times. Rumours are that Wallwork pulled the knife out, aimed at the dart board and threw a treble-twenty. This was swiftly followed by a double vodka and coke before driving himself to the ambulance in his Ford Cortina.

Back to reality, Wallwork was selling stolen engine parts out of a rented scrapyard. He got busted when the police were investigating unconnected armed robberies across Lancashire. The bad news for Wallwork is that Santa doesn't visit prison. The worst news is he's probably going to get raped, a lot.