Andre Villas-Boas has been told by Roman Abramovich that no matter what happens this season his job will be safe next summer. I get the impression Abramovich doesn't really give a fuck anymore. He won't even be in London to watch Chelsea play Aston Villa, he's off to the Caribbean to party.
Whilst Chelsea fans are in the wind and rain at Stamford Bridge on the 31st, Abramovich will be living it up on St Barts in the Caribbean. He has his own estate where 300 guests will be pampered and "taken care of", whatever that means. It's either prostitutes or a bullet in the head and dumped in the ocean. Last drinks are 4am, after which guests will retire to a fleet of "super yachts", which are just like regular yachts but with the word super before them.
Ageing rockers the Red Hot Chili Peppers in perhaps the ultimate act of selling out, will be headlining the event and I can't think of anything more ridiculous than men in their 40's jumping around with their shirts off playing in front of 300 of the world's richest people.
Not to be outdone, Sheikh Mansour of Manchester City had a super awesome sweet sixteen for his niece. I remember when I turned 16, I think I got Jay Z's The Blueprint on CD. Mansour's niece got Jay Z the human and Kanye West to perform at her party. She then started crying because she wanted Drake and her Ferrari was the wrong colour.