World player of the year Phil Jones had his cheek broken the other day and was initially ruled out for six weeks while he recovered. The immediate response from United's doctors was to amputate his head but actually he might heal much faster than they thought so that's not happening anymore.
X-rays taken after Manchester United's game against Fulham suggested that Jones may have broken something in the general skull area but actually it turns out that this technology was wrong and he'll probably be back training on Monday. And if X-rays are wrong, what the fuck else that we rely on is? First they discover that the speed of light - one of, if not the corner stone of everything modern day physics is based upon - might not be the fastest particle in the universe, then they find out that X-rays aren't always right, and then they work out that Phil Jones' skull is the most powerful weapon known to man? I don't know how much more of this I can handle right now. I'm still excited about these things:
It's drinking the water!!!!