Friday, 9 December 2011

Mike Dean has been injuring Newcastle players with voodoo powers

Alan Pardew has outed referee Mike Dean as an evil practitioner of voodoo by stating that it is his fault Newcastle's players are all injured now.  Curse you Mike Dean!!

I have no idea why Dean didn't send David Luiz off in Newcastle's last game with Chelsea and neither does he, because he told Pardew after the game that it was a mistake.  "I guess I was just still pissed from last night!  lol tb x" is what my sources tell me he said.  The reason this sending off affected Newcastle, according to Alan Pardew in an interview with the BBC, is that it "forced [them] to put in more effort than [they've] done in any other game this season" and this is why Guthrie, Taylor and Coloccini are all rolling in agony as we speak.  Oh the hard work involved to play Chelsea!  "We just didn't see it coming!" they cry as though they were supposed to play against ten men the entire time.  Selfish Mike Dean.