Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Balotelli news

Balotelli has been busy this Christmas. He inspired some god awful grime track by Tinchy Stryder, bought a round of drinks for everyone in a minky pub and donated £200 to Jesus at midnight mass.

The song contains the lyrics, "why always me, why always me (repeat).....Mario Balotelli". That is incredible, he rhymed me with Balotelli. Lyrical genius. Why do all these shit grime people spell their names incorrectly? Learn how to read and write kids, honestly it's quite useful in the real world. If you can't spell, at least use fucking spell check. Don't grow up idolising these dickheads.

Rumour has it Balotelli went to a horrible looking boozer called "the Tudor" on Christmas Eve. There he left £1,000 behind the bar so the locals could spend the rest of  Christmas Eve getting hammered rather than spend time with their family. That's what Christmas is all about.

After leaving the pub, off he went to St.Johns Church with his girlfriend for midnight mass and a bit of a sing song. Always a good time when you are half-cut. At the end of proceedings, Mario donated £200 to the church. So that's £1,000 to the local alcoholics and £200 to the church. Balotelli's Broken Britain.