Andre Villas-Boas is cool as fuck and has told Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich that they really need to sort out Chelsea's squad since it's been the same since 1997.
First on AVB's list is wonder boy Neymar, who Pele seems to reckon is the best player ever, and the Brazilian would only be available for about £45million. I'm genuinely a bit worried that when I hear that it would cost that much for him - as a human - I just think 'yeh that sounds about right'. He isn't the stock exchange, he's a human man.
Also on Chelsea's wish list is Newcastle's star midfielder and Mr T's son, Cheick Tiote. When he doesn't sleep underneath children's beds at night to scare them, he dominates the Toon army's play and is widely expected to leave them for somewhere that won't be lower mid-table in the next four months.
There are a few more player names being thrown around as well but the point to be made is that AVB just wants rid of all the ageing players at the club. John Terry, Frank Lampard and Ashley Cole don't seem to realise that they are mortal beings and I'll enjoy watching all of them sulk while much younger people come into the team and actually win the Champions League. This is all providing that Abramovich decides to pay for all of it of course. It's a bit like when I designed a futuristic prison to keep fat people in to stop them breeding and the government wouldn't fund it. Damn tories. And labour. To be honest absolutely no-one wanted to fund that idea.