Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Hearts' players haven't been paid

Hearts are ran by a mad super villain/criminal called Vladamir Romanov. He likes to sack managers, pick the squad and buy 100s of Lithuanian players but he doesn't like paying people. Nobody ever got rich paying people did they?

from the mirror
The Hearts first team were at the cash machine at midnight, looking to withdraw their monthly wages. Imagine how pissed off they were when they realised they were still in their overdraft and couldn't afford to go to Weatherspoons.

It would seem that Octobers pay has not come through the system yet. Perhaps it was just an error from the finance department. Or perhaps it's because Hearts' parent company UBIG have debts of £36.1m and they cannot transfer money to Hearts to pay their players because they don't actually have any. I don't know, I'm not a Doctor.

When my local pub went bust, they didn't tell any of their staff. Employees showed up for work one day and there was a sign on the door that said "we're closed. no money. soz lol". I envision something similar with Hearts. They will arrive at their training ground to find all the lights off and the doors locked. Romanov will have taken the kettle and toaster and fucked off back to Lithuania to pursue his real dream of being a professional basketball player.