Monday, 31 October 2011

El Hadji Diouf signs for Doncaster. How odd

El Hadji Diouf signed for Doncaster today, for free. Yes Doncaster. I initially wrote "Diouf sings for Doncaster", which would have been a much better story. He could have signed for a team in the middle-east for lots of money but he wanted a challenge so he chose a team in South Yorkshire. I googled "Doncaster attractions" and it turns out there is a wildlife park. Diouf fucking loves animals. He once killed a guy because he said meerkats were gay.


This is a photo of Diouf spitting at Celtic fans. It turns out he actually really likes spitting on people. Look on the internet, there are loads of photos. The internet never lied about anything so you can take this as gospel.

Diouf came to prominence at the 2002 World Cup. He actually made it into the team of the tournament, prompting Liverpool to pay £10m for him. For one reason or another, mainly being a complete dick head, he only scored 6 goals for Liverpool.  That is truly terrible. I'd like to think If I played for Liverpool and just stayed upfront and onside I could match Diouf's mighty 6 goals in 80 games.

Since he left Blackburn on the transfer deadline, he has just been pissing around playing Super Mario and spitting on children. To keep fit he trained with Wigan and West Ham. He claims that he could have signed for either but was impressed by Doncaster manager Dean Saunders. People ( me) slag off the SPL all the time but I remember Diouf at Rangers, he was fucking terrible. His sole purpose in the team seemed to be to annoy as many players as possible and try to get them sent off. Sometimes he tried too hard and ended up getting himself a red card instead.

However I can't hate the man too much. Neil Warnock once said something like "I would call him a sewer rat but that would be an insult to sewer rats". Diouf just replied with, "who is Neil Warnock? He is nothing to me. He is not my manager, he is not Alex Ferguson or Arsene Wenger. He is not an important manager". Warnock, dispatched.