Thursday, 27 October 2011

Alan Smith is still alive / going on loan

Occasionally we receive distress signals from footballers that disappear off the radar but recently we realised that we hadn't heard anything at all from Alan Smith, killer of dreams.  We opened an investigation and discovered that he is currently being utilised as a provider of non-renewable energy on the bus to and from games.

image from mirrorfootball
If the electric battery runs out on the Newcastle team bus, Alan Smith will either be in charge of shovelling coal into the furnace to power it, or have to throw himself into the fiery chamber in order to allow his team-mates to reach their destination.  Made of almost 100% pure 'average-inium', he has the potential to help a bus run at 32mph for about 2 and a half hours by simply being burned alive, provided that the energy released is harnessed correctly.  He's just that kind of guy!

These heroic characteristics have alerted several Championship teams to his powers and he may be shipped out on loan to get some valuable playing time.  I say valuable because he's been getting paid £60,000 a week for the past four years.  I think even the Queen plays more football than him.  And earns less.