Still hurting from the raping they received from Barcelona, the papers are reporting today that Manchester United will be looking for some new recruits this summer.
As the season has finished and we are now subjected to months of transfer rumours and no real news, let's start with Utd supposedly going for Tottenhams Luka Modric. Modric, seen looking like a teenage lesbian above. He will not be allowed to leave for anything less than £20m. Papers claim that Alex Ferguson also wants to buy Ashley Young, Jack Rodwell, some French chap called Varane and David de Gea.
I feel sorry for Manchester United - it's like dumping a girl after a few years together. You appear to be building towards something special, things are exciting, you have lots of amazing experiences together, you really think you have met the one, perhaps you could even marry this girl. Then BANG! One night you are out on the piss and you see this beautiful, dark skinned Spanish girl dancing seductively at the bar. You suddenly realise your girlfriend is actually a bit shit in comparison and you give her the boot. Devastated, she goes out and hits the shops, she buys some new sexy outfits, thinking perhaps if she dolls herself up she might win you back. You bump into her a few days later in a nightclub, you've had a few and she is looking a lot better than she did back when you dumped her. Intoxicated you think, "fuck it, might as well". Her plan appears to have worked. Then out of the corner of your eye, you see the sexy Spanish girl again. You look back at your ex and think "that Spanish girl is still one million times better. Shouldn't have wasted all your money on those new clothes".