Harry Redknapp has no shame

Harry Redknapp may appear like he's very loyal to lots of clubs until he gets bored/offered more money somewhere else but he can't be arsed hanging out with all the dicks in QPR at all.  I don't blame him really.

Harry has said that he may actually abandon QPR unless he is allowed to sign even more players:

"I don't need to come to work every day and have that aggravation. I want to get a group in willing to come, learn and take a bit of pride in what they do. Hopefully I have support from the board and we have to see what players we can find."

What the fuck was Mark Hughes even doing at that place?!  This is the equivalent of giving him a cow to go to market and then instead of even coming home with magic beans he brings back a half used battery, broken lawn mower and Shaun Wright-Philips

Wayne Rooney is a conspiracy

Wayne Rooney is outraged that people have suggested he asked for a transfer away from Man United, eloquently stating that he "never said them things".  Here's the video I made about him

Wayne recently gave birth to another son, who he named after one of his favourite things to eat.  Klay Rooney will join other children in the 'stupid names that haunt children forever' club with the benefit of being Wayne Rooney's son being that not only are you rich, but also he will eat anyone that bullies you.

Rooney snr however feels like he's being bullied out of Old Trafford and tbf it might be that SAF knew David Moyes was taking over months ago and so started slyly managing him out of the club, so he might have a point.  But if he stopped asking for transfers to other clubs this would probably stop.  It was like how I learned the best way not to have to keep going to court was to stop hanging outside my girlfriend's house at night.  I'm always one step ahead.  Or in this case about 20 steps behind.  I'm pretty sure she hasn't noticed me yet

Mario Gotze might be injured

Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich are set to battle to death in London this Saturday to try to win the Champions League final but double agent Gotze might not make it!

The recent Bayern capture is one of Dormund's most important players if they do actually want to win on Saturday but in training yesterday he had to pull out because he had pain in his upper leg.

That's what she said

How convenient that he befalls this kind of injury so close to the match that his new club is absolutely desperate to win.  Perhaps Bayern just really listen to his ideas in a way that Dortmund never did

Or maybe he's injured.  ONLY TIME WILL TELL

Man City + New York Yankees = New York City FC

New York soccer fans rejoice for you have a brand new team to support that isn't sponsored by Red Bull.  It's sponsored by money instead

Baseball team, The Yankees, and football team, Man City, now share a franchise in Manhattan which means you have another reason to go to that part of the world as if the fact that it's awesome wasn't enough.  I would literally kill to be allowed to live in New York City which unfortunately is the exact reason I'm not allowed to.  Next time I think I won't tell them that at immigration.  Or at least I won't wear my hockey mask and mime a chainsaw at the same time again

Alan Pardew is having a chat

Alan Pardew is 'pretty confident' that isn't going to be fired for being terrible at his job and blaming everyone but himself for Newcastle's abject failures this year.  He's going for a chat with Mike Ashley

After Sunday's 1-0 defeat against Arsenal, the manager said:

"I'm pretty confident I'll be the manager here. I love being the manager," 

"I will be speaking to Mike [Ashley, owner] and Derek [Llambias, managing director] this week to make sure we get a response and a reaction."

The problem in this scenario is that Pardew has about another 8 years left on his contract and can't really be fired.  This would be great if he'd had his team performing anything like they did last season but they had the creative output of the explanation of infinite.  If you put infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters eventually they will write the entire works of shakespeare, but sadly if you put a bunch of French players and Shola Ameobi on a football pitch together eventually they might try a through ball.

 

Arsenal have nearly signed Yaya Sanogo

Arsene Wenger has almost completed the free transfer of Yaya Sanogo, one of the secret players that becomes amazing in FM12.  Also he wants to waste the rest of his money Jovetic.

Sanogo has scored 10 in 19 appearances for Auxerre and has signed a pre-contract agreement to join Arsenal as of this summer.  The 20 year old also has 18 in 18 for France under-21s so his real life stats kinda match his FM persona but I'm kinda annoyed because now everyone is going to be like 'oh Yaya Sanogo is so cool' when I thought he was cool way before they did.  This is Kings of Leon all over again.

David Moyes has new friends

New Manchester United manager David Moyes had his first day at school on Monday and he met his new staff so he could decide which ones he wanted to keep and which to get rid off.  Like pogs.

I haven't checked what the odds on Man United to win the Premier League are with a new boss but I can't expect they're going to be any worse than when SAF was in charge.  David Moyes looks absolutely mental so if United don't end up winning something, someone is getting booted in the face.  I bet when he walks into the canteen and looks for a place to sit rather than having to find a table on his own he just sits next to a group and tells them to shut up and then starts taking things from their plate, then tells them an anecdote about that time he slammed this guy's head in his car door outside Tesco.  If fear doesn't inspire them, nothing will.  Except maybe haribo