Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Jack Wilshere on loan? Joe Hart to Tarino? It's TRANSFER HAWK

Behold! It is Transfer Hawk in all his glory.

You used to think 'why do the papers keep saying they're going in for a swoop like the footballer is a fucking egg or a small rodent that a hawk would eat' didn't you?

NOW YOU KNOW. I'm talking transfer hawk you mothers.

Share it, love it, fornicate to it, make love to it, just do whatever. whatever you want. It's your life.

Friday, 26 August 2016

Arsenal are really bad at transfers, now good

Only a few days ago Arsenal fans (teenagers on the internet) were absolutely furious with Ahsun Vengah for his lack of transfer activity. Now it looks like they're about to sign all the players they need! Hooray for internet justice.

Now you may recognise Shkodran Mustafi from such transfer rumours as 'Mustafi is going to Arsenal' and 'Mustafi isn't going to Arsenal' but now apparently the deal is back on. Valencia have accepted a £35m + bid for the defender but the fun doesn't end there! Spanish Jamie Vardy, Lucas Perez, is also on his way to North London for a fee of £17m or something like that.

Having never paid attention to Mustafi when I've seen him, I have no idea whether he's any good or not, but since he's costing £35m he must be! That's the secret to transfers - the more you pay for them, the better the player is.

By the way, if you want to bet on Arsenal never signing a player you can visit to use their interactive tool to filter the latest betting offers. 

The other day Thierry Henry, pictured above, was like 'I don't think players even want to come to Arsenal any more' but of course they don't. Why would you want to join the nerdiest boys club in the league? Imagine you walk into the canteen for lunch and Theo Walcott comes up and says 'I've done the most HILARIOUS prank!' and then Oxlade Chamberlain and Keiran Gibbs go 'OH Theo!!!' because he's tied their shoe laces together! Hahah aha ha aha a and then they go and read a book under the sun.

anyway thye've signed some players so please Arsenal fans, shut up. Just shut up. You are the absolute worst. No wonder Wenger hates you.

Pele sings Olympics song, doesn't die

Hi everyone. Just realised I haven't updated since June but it's not because I'm lazy. It's because I'm really lazy.

I made this for the Olympics but then Pele went and almost died so I couldn't promote it anywhere. How selfish can you be?! I spent at least 10 hours making this one. Look at the animation! It's beautiful! Remember when I used to make songs about crisps and left backs? Remember those days? Well now I can make these things look bang tidy and actual people say 'omg JJ can you please make me some animation, I'll pay you anything you want!' and I accept £8million per cartoon and if anyone would actually like to ask me this, please email the email you can find on the site in the contact bit. 

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

The return of Roy Keane (the cartoon)

Now that Roy Honson & Space Monkey have been binned from Euro 2016, it's time to focus on some other characters at the tournament. And then probably go back to Roy since he's funny. Here's a Roy:

Enjoy, everyone. Please. Or don't. There are only 2 weeks left of this tournament anyway.

Roy Hodgson's final England team talk

England lost to Iceland lol

Did you see it? It was embarrassing and hilarious. Like watching a team of drunk people try to break into their own house.



That is all.

Oh and tell your friends to subscribe to the YouTube. No idea how all these fucking teenagers have made millions shouting to a camera in their mum's house. 

Friday, 24 June 2016

Roy Hodgson reacts to Brexit: the cartoon

I cannot believe England voted themselves out of Europe, the United Kingdom and common sense but they did. Very successfully. Well done, everyone. Bravo. Here's Roy learning about Brexit.

I have no idea whether Daniel Sturridge is genuinely sad about Brexit, like most people under the age of 50, but without wanting to go into how hilariously ludicrous is that this referendum happened and then went in favour of Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson is beyond me. I'm no Tory basher, nor do I think everyone who voted leave is racist, but I do think they are all cunts.

Anyway enjoy my cartoon. If you weren't born in the UK perhaps it'll give you a laugh as you're being deported.

Here's a picture to go with it to help the Google spiders. I always wonder what the Google spiders look like and if they'd be friendly. Normally I don't like spiders but I get the feeling the Google ones would be alright. Plus, they already know what porn I like and how many things I have in my Amazon basket so we'd have some good chat.

Here's a Facebook embed for you. Pretty cool how all these things work really.

Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Roy Hodgson says England are doomed

Brave England were unfortunate not to finish top of their group, failing to beat the worst Russia side in existence and then drawing with Slovakia, which I'm not even sure where that is. After that game, Roy Hodgson said England are not doomed.

Oh England. Did you watch that Slovakia game? I left the house at 80 minutes, furious that I'd wasted that part of my life sat in front of a tv when I could have been in a pub or playing GTA V online. How dare they take that away from me.

In other news, I've been making loads of these cartoons.

I'm not sure anyone even likes them.